My First Death

So I knew it was going to happen. And it was really unfortunate that it was the only day I wasn't near the hospital in 6 weeks. But that's the way it went. A very lovely man - very similar to my father-in-law passed away of deterioration of his pulmonary fibrosis. Here's the obituary...

COLES, Leonard Frederick - It is with profound sadness we announce the passing of a great man, after a brief illness, at St. Joseph's Hospital on Saturday, August 12, 2006 at the age of 68. Beloved and devoted husband of Bev (nee McKinnon) for over 42 years. Loved father of Fred (Debbie), Darrin (Dianne) and Mel (Garry). Papa of Devon and Dalton. Brother of Lillian Stickland (late Dick), Marg Czeto (late Frank), Harold (Dawn), Freda Healy (late Brent). Will be sadly missed by many in-laws, nieces, nephews, Clifford and Bomber. Retired employee of Standard/Gillies Guy/Ultramar with 40 years of service. Foster parent with the Children's Aid Society for over 40 years and a volunteer at the Sackville Hill Seniors Centre. The family would like to thank all of their friends and family and all of the nurses (Amanda), doctors (Amanda) and CCU at St. Joseph's Hospital for all their loving care. At Leonard's request, cremation has taken place. Family will receive friends at CRESMOUNT FUNERAL HOME, 322 Fennell Avenue East on Wednesday from 2-4 and 7-9 p.m. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Firestone Clinic (St. Joseph's Hospital) or the McMaster Children's Hospital.

I went to the funeral home just so I could have closure because after you spend weeks caring for someone and it's suddenly over it's probably one of the strangest feelings I've experienced. I only went for 15 minutes and when I walked in the family started crying and the daughter-in-law hugged me and said that Mr. C loved me so much and that it meant so much to them that I came and how I cared for him. And Mrs. C hugged me too and kept telling people how I was "Dr. Amanda" and how his oxygen saturations always went up went I walked in the room. It was weird because even though I know that there was nothing more I could have done for him since I was his "Doctor" I felt like I should have been able to make it better. And I couldn't. And I know that's how it works sometimes but doctors are REALLY bad at accepting death and acknowledging grief. I've been thinking about Patch Adams lately and how I appreciated how he did that (at least in the movie about his life) and I always want to remember that death is a part of life and to acknowledge that and walk through that with people is sacred and beautiful in its own rite.