Morris Family Ski Vacation

On our last day of our fantastic Christmas ski vacation I thought I would post some pictures. We had a really great time - I love snowboarding! Moreass was a great teacher as well as Susie-Q green run. The chairlift is still a bit of a struggle though (getting off it I mean) but it's still troublesome for Mark seeing as he fell on my board getting off the chair and earned himself 5 stitches and a trip to the Big White hospital. He even got a snowboard ride as Sue (who's Ski Patrol ) was with us and had to call in the 40 (injury). What's hilarious is that she had been boarding with us in her uniform and I had been joking that I was going to be a 40 all day and then Mark ends up getting stitches. He had the privelage though of pushing me down 400 times on my first day of snowboarding so that I could figure out how to get off my ass by myself (I still can't - I just flip over and get up on my toe edge and turn around). Christmas has been great and I can now turn from heel edge to toe edge and snowboard relatively comfortably down a green run. Sue scored us a tree (I don't know how she did that and I don't think I should ask) and we had a nice Christmas morning together with Jim, a guy that my sister brought home from the bar on Christmas eve - she's classy. Jim was great though and an excellent addition to Christmas morning. All in all this was a great winter vacation and a good way to shake off my year of clerkship.

This is my sister-in-law Sue in her fantastic Ski Patrol gear. She looks like a real professional doesn't she?

This is the view from the living room of our chalet. Life is tough.

Our Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Sue is standing there with her house-mate Frith from New Zealand.

We look like the real deal here. This is after my very first chair lift ride with a snowboard where I boarded right down without falling. The subsequent rides were not as successful.


This is from one of those subsequent rides. Don't worry Mark, scars are sexy.
Here we all are after a night at Snowshoe Sam's. My sister is a regular at this Apres Ski watering hole. This is Mark, Chet (Chris from Chetwynn - he's Sue's other housemate), me and Keith after a night of beer chugging contests, punching bag video games, lighting Sambuca shots on fire and creating sparks with cinnamon and Chet completing my dare and going up to
sing "New Orleans is Sinking" with the live band. He's awesome. What a great vacation.

My First Vacation in a Year - Day One

I am sitting here in my pajamas watching Jon Stewart and having a coffee and trying to remember how to relax. I got up when Foreman got up this morning (7am) and actually was WIDE awake at 5am but forced myself to go back to sleep. I was wired this morning and I had no idea what to do. I have stuff to do today, I have to pack for both me and Foreman, clean the house, go to the gym, go to McMaster and return my pager. But I don't need to have that looming idea in the back of my head that I really should be studying...even though I still have that nagging feeling. I'm glad I'm going skiing with the family this weekend so that hopefully I can unwind a bit because I'm not sure if I remember how.

Suit Crisis

Last night I realized that my suit jacket (which I rarely wear) was an ENTIRELY different colour than my suit pants (which I wear all the time). Needless to say I could not wear those two pieces of clothing together for my interview. So today I had to go shopping in the middle of the Christmas rush to get a suit - something difficult to buy at the best of times.
Thank God for RW & CO. There was a fabulous gay boy that helped me out. He brought me all the right stuff and got me a white shirt to try on underneath my suit. I was wearing a blue and brown zebra-print bra today which you could see under the white shirt. This was not a problem when I was wearing the jacket but when I was switching between them....I don't even notice these things anymore.
Anyway, the RW & Co guy was fabulous and the suit crisis was averted...now I just have to get through my interview tomorrow.

Life post-CaRMS

Finally, life is as it should be. No more looking at my stupid personal letters again. Now it's up to the program directors to see something in my applications and give me a chance. Let's all keep our fingers crossed and hope that happens.
Friday I had my HIV Committee meeting and that was good. I am always amazed at how fancy the OMA building is. I sort of feel like a fraud when I'm there- it's very old-school doctors. And all the other doctors on this committee are also older, male doctors. Especially one after discovering I"m interested in OB/GYN wanted to discuss "therapeutic" abortions and how they are not therapeutic, especially for the fetus, and that the terminology should change to elective and that they should not be performed in hospitals. I informed him that they are usually not performed at hospitals and that I had no power over terminology - it was a pleasant conversation but a little uncomfortabe for me.
Yesterday, Keith and I slept in and then we put up our Christmas decorations and our Christmas tree :). I love putting up the tree. The in the evening we went to my birthday present - Foreman bought AMAZING tickets to WICKED. I could see the orchestra conductor's face and Glinda's cleavage - that's how good they were. We both LOVED it. I love being married to a guy that also loves musical theatre. The singing was incredible especially Shoshana Bean (www.shoshanabean.com) - check her website out she's a phenomenal singer.

Today, Foreman went to play Star Trek CCG (I just called him - he won the tournament - I'm so proud) so I had the day to myself - watching stupid movies on TV and making Christmas cookies. It's been a wonderful day and I'm finally, slowly, getting into the holiday season.

Kathy

There's this patient on the psych ward who I admitted - she's very disorganized and psychotic. She's the patient that thought my preceptor was M from James Bond. Anyway, she continues to be very disorganized in her thinking and her behaviour is bizarre. She had a new name that she'd written on a piece of paper and she wanted to go down to admitting to change it formally in her medical records.
Anyway, today as I was walking by doing inpatient rounds with my preceptor she said "Hi" (and I don't even think she recognizes me from before) and she puts her hand out at the side like she's sneaking it and she hands me a miniature box of Smarties. She had a huge smile on her face. It was a pretty great moment.

Surviving Psychiatry

As most people close to me know I have not been the biggest advocate for appreciation of psychiatry. I know that it is a very important specialty and that psychiatrists help a lot of people but for the most part psychiatry, as a discipline, scares the CRAP out of me. But there have been touching moments in this field just like any other and the patients often warm your heart (unless they have BPD (borderline personality disorder) and then they just annoy you).

Today I went and saw ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) being performed. This is the good ol' shock treatment that people thought was extinct. Well, it's not and it is actually not nearly as barbaric as I thought it was. The patient DR said that it had improved his depression 60% already after 5 treatments and none of the medications had worked nearly as well. A lot of patients who have deep or psychotic depressions benefit greatly from this procedure. In fact, psychiatrists say that if they had a major depressive episode they would want to go straight to ECT. And the actual procedure is done in the recovery room near the OR, the patient is put under general anestethic for about 2 minutes and bagged and masked with an anesthetist present. The actual "shock" lasts 30-60 seconds and is not at all violent, you almost can't tell it's happening. This realization was a pleasant surprise to me.

Yesterday we had a patient TD who was recovering well from his depressive episode in his bipolar disorder and is being discharged today. He wanted me to read the poem he had written for the nurses to gain a "female perspective". I walked to his room and he was in front of me, some guy who I believe was psychotic was behind me and another woman who we certified on Tuesday and who has been violent to staff was passing in the hallway - physically surrounded by mental illness. It was a bit scary but I took a deep breath and all was well.

This woman who was psychotic that I just mentioned is quite hilarious because at 60something she believes that she is 10 weeks pregnant. She also tried to hit my preceptor, a very lovely 5'2'' East Indian man who she believed was "M" from James Bond and was going to lock up her brother. The other inpatients came to my preceptor's aid discussing how this lovely Indian man was nothing like Dame Judi Dench. Psychotic people are funny.

The Sad Tale of "Amanda in Boots"

This past weekend I finally, after 6 years, bought myself a pair of kick-ass knee-high black leather boots. I decided if I still wanted these boots after 6 years I could buy them so I did. I was very VERY excited and I had this very sexy outfit for my date with Foreman on Friday (we went for dinner and saw "Casino Royale"). So I put the boots on for my date and the zipper split. So I called the store and went to the store in Hamilton (I bought them at the store in Burlington) and got a new pair. We had a great date and watched a really great movie. As I zipped up the boots again (I had unzipped the sides at the movie because they're new and need to be broken in) the zipper split again. I took them back the next day and got my money back and haven't found a pair I like nearly as much. . I wait to get myself something nice and disappointment follows. But Foreman got me flowers for my "boot depression" and all is well. Maybe one day I'll find my Prince Charming Size 9 black knee-high leather boots. A girl can dream.

My Impromptu Surprise

It's been a while since I've posted anything and it's not that I haven't had interesting things happen it's that I've been constantly plagued by the incessant beast that is the Canadian Residency Matching Service (CaRMS). But today in preparation for my graduation photos tomorrow (that's right GRAD photos) I had my hair done. It was a last minute decision and I booked an appointment at a hair salon in Mapleview Mall in Burlington with a guy named Lou (the name did not inspire confidence in me for some reason). Then when I finally got there Lou was a very buff straight guy, and I'm not going to lie to you I was even more skeptical. But Lou was my surprise gift today. He was absolutely lovely. He was definitely strong and masculine which were new qualities for me in a hairstylist but he was a refugee from Kosovo who was married here in Canada and has two young kids. We talked about politics, America, the United Nations and the war in Kosovo. We talked about health care and lots of other interesting topics. He was wonderful and a fabulous hair stylist (my hair is amazing). What a wonderful and impromptu gift.

What a Wonderful World

I read a lot in the news about how bad the world is right now and how awful things are and sometimes that can be really discouraging. Especially because, for the most part, I don't believe that it's true. This might be my naivite but from where I stand there's still a whole lot of beauty in the world and I just wanted to put a little bit of what I find beautiful here in this post. This blog would only let me put in a few of the pictures I wanted to so this is only a small taste of the things I find beautiful - there's just so much beauty in the world that I can't fit in into one post.

I love this picture because it reminds me of how much I love the other two people in it. I wanted to give them something that would bring them joy and it was incredible to see how excited everyone else got about it too, it was infectious and wonderful.
This picture isn't about the beauty of my friend Voyageur shirtless (although that's not anything to complain about). It's about the two guys in this picture who I greatly respect and admire and who I'm so honored to call my friends. It's also a picture of how we all share the love of just experiencing nature, canoeing and cinnamon buns.

This picture is from http://www.michaelclancy.com/. I heard about this picture from my family medicine tutor and I think it's beautiful. It's in utero surgery on a child with spina bifida at 21 weeks but I think the beauty is in the sheer majesty of how we try and help one another even when incredible odds are stacked against us.

This is my African mom shortly before she died of AIDS. She always made time for the children of Salima - they were all her children. My dad is so cute in this picture. He's holding my Angel niece Elena and my girlfriends call him "Grandpa Pauls". The beauty in this picture is how friends with no blood relation become your family and they become family to your family - I love that.

This picture just shows sheer unadulterated joy. I love that and I love the girl in this picture.


I hadn't even realized when I started this post that this topic is very fitting considering the season. Happy Thanksgiving everyone - there is so much to be thankful for.

#41 - Coffee with Dr. Teeth

Thank you.

I missed you.

Elora Gorge

This past weekend Foreman and I went to Elora Gorge We had a wonderful time relaxing and hanging out tenting, reading and playing Scrabble. The first night we got there was an "adventure" with a major wrong turn (Funny Foreman how directions to an area code might not get you to the right place) and locking our keys in the car with the lights on (that was my fault - Foreman was very forgiving). But after a rocky start we had a great weekend. Our favourite part was tubing down Elora Gorge - great rapids and as Foreman said "a completely different skill set than canoeing" - we hit all the rocks with the tubes and it was just a fun and wild ride. The nature was magnificent and it was so relaxing to float down the river with Foreman.

Montreal with the Boys

I actually had a weekend off two weekends ago (which is, of course, a feat) and I asked by brother-in-law Moreass and his friend Jochef if they wanted to go to Montreal. Give two party boys a chance to go to Montreal where they've never been before to spend the weekend drinking and partying and oogling naked women at Supersex - what do you think they were going to say?
It was a long drive...you can tell how long it was by my brother's face in this picture.

We finally make it to Montreal and we get to Jochef's friends' apartment really late. Now I don't think that I am a wimp by any stretch of the imagination and I have lived with "boy" boys and have lived up North in houses where I am the ONLY girl...but this was by far the most disgusting apartment I have ever had the misfortue of staying at. The boys were very nice but I'm not saying their apartment needed a "feminine touch" I'm saying it needed toilet paper. They also had 2 air conditioners going full blast that made the mean temperature in the apartment about 10 degrees Celsius... and there were no blankets. I slept in my clothes because there was no way I was changing in there. At one point Foreman kissed me and my reply was "there is absolutely nothing that turns me on about this place". But we survived (left at 830am but survived) and I eventually peed (after we left).

We spent the rest of the day walking around Old Montreal, going to all our favourite places. We bought Foreman new clothes and he looked soooo good all the girls in the changeroom were looking at him every time he came out (I will post another entry specifically about the clothes :). And that night Foreman, Moreass and I went out for dinner at the magnificent restaurant, Nantua. It was a wonderful dinner and it's always fun to go out for dinner with Moreass, especially in Montreal because he's fluent in French. It's always great to spend time with him.

After dinner Moreass went back to his evening of debauchery and Foreman and I went to the Hilton, which as you can imagine was significantly better than our previous evening. By Sunday, the boys had partied themselves out and were glad to come back home to Hamilton. So far Montreal is the first city I know that can wear my brother-in-law out. Vivre le Quebec!

My Visit with the Wiebel's

So this is 2 weeks ago now but I wanted to write a bit about my visit with the Wiebel's. They came in on the Greyhound on Friday - banjo in hand. Immediately when I saw them this dormant part of my spirit awoke. There's something about my friendship with Mr. Marmalade that is like no other relationship in my life. Our friendship is probably the relationship in my life that reminds me most of my relationship with God. I always experience God when I'm with him. He is such an incredible person - his creativity in unending and his capacity to be such an unassuming, beautiful spirit is inspiring to me. It took me a bit to warm to his wife (not because she's not lovely but because I'm protective of him) but once I did (this is a long time ago now) I find my friendship with her to also be very life-giving, a feminist like me, we have very similar views on a lot of things. On Friday we hung out around my kitchen table - eating a smattering of different things for dinner and then went out for beers at The Winking Judge. I'd never been there before and they have all these micr0brewery beers (mine was Raspberry beer!) and we just talked all night long about really important things in our lives. And we just slipped into that without any hesitation in small talk. On Saturday we had a nice leisurely breakfast and they went off to their conference and I went to the gym and did some things at home. That night I showed them our wedding album and talked them through it cause they wanted to "experience being there". Mr. Marmalade gave me his new CD from his group "The Whizbang Shufflers" (www.folkjam.com) and his video project he's doing with his brother - Secondhand Pants (www.secondhandpants.com). His commitment to his creativity is infectious. It was so amazing to spend time with them and be reminded of all the other parts of my life that I love - including my friendship with the Wiebels.

My First Death

So I knew it was going to happen. And it was really unfortunate that it was the only day I wasn't near the hospital in 6 weeks. But that's the way it went. A very lovely man - very similar to my father-in-law passed away of deterioration of his pulmonary fibrosis. Here's the obituary...

COLES, Leonard Frederick - It is with profound sadness we announce the passing of a great man, after a brief illness, at St. Joseph's Hospital on Saturday, August 12, 2006 at the age of 68. Beloved and devoted husband of Bev (nee McKinnon) for over 42 years. Loved father of Fred (Debbie), Darrin (Dianne) and Mel (Garry). Papa of Devon and Dalton. Brother of Lillian Stickland (late Dick), Marg Czeto (late Frank), Harold (Dawn), Freda Healy (late Brent). Will be sadly missed by many in-laws, nieces, nephews, Clifford and Bomber. Retired employee of Standard/Gillies Guy/Ultramar with 40 years of service. Foster parent with the Children's Aid Society for over 40 years and a volunteer at the Sackville Hill Seniors Centre. The family would like to thank all of their friends and family and all of the nurses (Amanda), doctors (Amanda) and CCU at St. Joseph's Hospital for all their loving care. At Leonard's request, cremation has taken place. Family will receive friends at CRESMOUNT FUNERAL HOME, 322 Fennell Avenue East on Wednesday from 2-4 and 7-9 p.m. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Firestone Clinic (St. Joseph's Hospital) or the McMaster Children's Hospital.

I went to the funeral home just so I could have closure because after you spend weeks caring for someone and it's suddenly over it's probably one of the strangest feelings I've experienced. I only went for 15 minutes and when I walked in the family started crying and the daughter-in-law hugged me and said that Mr. C loved me so much and that it meant so much to them that I came and how I cared for him. And Mrs. C hugged me too and kept telling people how I was "Dr. Amanda" and how his oxygen saturations always went up went I walked in the room. It was weird because even though I know that there was nothing more I could have done for him since I was his "Doctor" I felt like I should have been able to make it better. And I couldn't. And I know that's how it works sometimes but doctors are REALLY bad at accepting death and acknowledging grief. I've been thinking about Patch Adams lately and how I appreciated how he did that (at least in the movie about his life) and I always want to remember that death is a part of life and to acknowledge that and walk through that with people is sacred and beautiful in its own rite.

101 in 1001

So a lot of my friends have done this and I like the idea and now that I have a fancy blog I actually post to here’s my shot. In 1001 days it’ll be April 26, 2009 and I’ll be 29. Wow. So here it goes.

1. Finish medical school.
2. Complete my CaRMs application.
3. Have a residency position in Ob/Gyn
4. Be happily married for over 4 years (which it will be by the end of 1001 days)
5. Visit New York.
6. See a Broadway musical. - saw 2!!! The Color Purple and Spring Awakening - where I got to be on stage!!!
7. CUBA 2007!!!!
8. Have a crazy fun time at the Italy/Greece wedding (May 2007)
9. Get to 150 lbs and maintain a decent muscle mass.
10. Re-learn enough French to carry on a somewhat decent conversation.
11. Visit Montreal again with Foreman.
12. Finish (truthfully re-finish) Methos and Canoegirl’s slideshow (again).
13. Buy my very own car. I'm crossing this off because we have a new car and I no longer want to have a 2nd car so I think that counts.
14. Learn some conversational Spanish before going to Cuba. - enough to be cute :P
15. Learn the violin.
16. Buy a mortgage on a little place that Foreman and I can call our own.
17. See my brother’s new apartment.
18. Finish “Taking Flight”.
19. Buy Foreman a BBQ.
20. Finish my PGY-1 year.
21. Paddle the Ottawa River.
22. Buy a canoe (maybe as a graduation present to myself).
23. Paddle the Fond du Lac river.
24. Get a new CD player (we have NONE that work)
25. Pass my LMCC exams.
26. Visit the East Coast of Canada.
27. Start swing dancing lessons with my brother.
28. Take my sister canoeing.
29. See my new nephew Ben.
30. Have my sister teach me snowboarding.
31. Go climbing with Gora.
32. Go to Ireland again.
33. Do some type of regular exercise with Foreman.
34. Start boxing again.
35. See India.Arie in concert.
36. Go see a public screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show.
37. Organize my finances.
38. Get my Alberta health care sorted out.
39. Do a duet with Foreman in public.
40. Get a new Canadian passport.
41. Have coffee with Dr. Teeth.
42. Get Christmas pictures taken with Foreman. - we got family pictures taken which I think counts.
43. Get an Irish passport.
44. Take a road trip with Karen Brown (preferably in a T-bird convertible)
45. Get abdominal definition.
46. Tile my bathroom floor. - got a new bathroom floor in a new bathroom that doesn't need to be retiled :)
47. Read 10 articles on HIV vaccine research.
48. Make my Osprey Wings T-shirt fit me (get it altered)
49. Fix the strap on my red dress.
50. Read “The Odyssey”.
51. Have a baby or figure out when we’ll have one within the 2009/2010 year.
52. Act in another play.
53. Play Dance Dance Revolution.
54. Confidently wear a bikini in Cuba.
55. Paddle the Bowron lake circuit in BC
56. Become a member of Greenpeace.
57. Start a compost. - house came with a compost.
58. Buy a pair of killer shoes.
59. Have dinner with Ed. - I got as close as I could to achieving this one...
60. Plant a garden. - my house has a garden :)
61. Get a decent-sized houseplant.
62. Don’t kill it.
63. Add two new software programs to my Pocket PC.
64. Decrease my massive amount of excess paper storage. - I'm still working on it but I've done A LOT - enough to cross this off the list.
65. Take my old clothes to Goodwill.
66. Get a picture with all of the Pauls’ extended family for Oma. (maybe with some computer assistance).
67. Spend a couple of days relaxing in the middle of nowhere at Christmastime.
68. Have a play-date with my nieces.
69. Take some of the pictures I’ve always wanted to take.
70. Get a puppy. - my friend in Winnipeg is getting a Golden Retriever and that's as close as Foreman says I'm getting to owning my own puppy so I get partial custody - yay.
71. Swim with the dolphins.
72. Create my own itunes Celebrity Playlist of my favourite songs
73. Go to the Toronto Science museum.
74. Go to Disneyworld with Tim and Carlin.
75. Visit NASA and watch Foreman drool.
76. See a Cirque du Soleil show. - I saw the Shanghai Chinese Acrobat show which totally and completely counts as a viable alternative and I saw Ka in Las Vegas which is an actual Cirque du Soleil show.
77. Update my wardrobe to be more “grown-up”.
78. Play a giant game of Civilization with the Morris brothers.
79. Have both sets of parents over for Thanksgiving dinner.
80. Go on a sailboat. - I think a catamaran counts and I certainly rocked that boat.
81. Tell Ronnie Burkett how much he inspires me.
82. Survive my Psychiatry rotation.
83. Start to pay off my line of credit.
84. Get couple massages with Foreman. - we went to the Temple Gardens Mineral Spa and I had a facial and Foreman had Reflexology and I think that counts enough.
85. Fix my lamps.
86. Sing at graduation. - amazing!
87. Update my blog on at least a weekly basis.
88. Have coffee with Louis and see how he’s doing. - we talked on the phone and I drank coffee and that's as close as I'll probably come for a while - it was soooo good to catch up with him.
89. See PrincessGwyn before she moves to Calgary.
90. Learn at least 10 more words in Cree.
91. Get my legs waxed.
92. Organize my pictures that aren’t in albums.
93. Get a pedicure with my mom.
94. Read all of Paulo Coelho’s books that I haven’t read yet.
95. Hike Mount Robson.
96. Complete my china set.
97. Have a games night at our house.
98. Take Foreman to the African Lion Safari.
99. Buy Foreman a new suit. - we realized if we bought him a new shirt and tie he really didn't need a new suit. Yay for new ties.
100.Have a fancy date night at a jazz club in a sexy dress.
101.Have dates with myself at least once a month.

Small Victories

So on Thursday all my patients seemed to be cranky and depressed and although I know that has less to do with me and more to do with the fact that they have to live in the hospital (which is of course no picnic) I still felt down about it.
Then yesterday there were lots of small victories that perked me right up for the weekend.
Mr. KN was sitting up in his bed without his oxygen he's been on for the last week and he looked great. And when I checked his oxygen saturations they were over 90% and when I showed him he gave me this great toothless grin.
Mr. LC's family was at the hospital and wanted to have a family meeting about his condition. I had printed off some information about his new condition and talked about the 3 main medical issues still outstanding while in hospital. He has a host of outpatient specialists (actually my current staff is one of them) and his family said they want me to be his long-term doctor. They also call me Dr. Amanda which is adorable.
Mr. DC finally got out of the ICU which is a victory in and of itself. I had seen him in Emerg almost 2 weeks ago and admitted him to hospital. He's this big biker guy that's been confined to his bed due to very bad arthritis. Later that night his breathing got so bad he had to be intubated and transfered to the ICU where things were very tenuous for a long time. Now he's out in the CCU and he doesn't even need oxygen (he's on BiPAP at night which he loves (people hate BiPAP) - he wants to market "Marijuana BiPAP") (*BiPAP helps people breathe by adding positive pressure when people inspire as opposed to CPAP where the positive pressure is continuous.*) Anyway, I saw him today (that's how he told me about the marijuana BiPAP) and I said "Hey do you remember me? It took you a while to get back to me." and he said "Look what I went through just to get to you darling." I love people that can put such a positive spin on tough experiences.

Yesterday was a good day to be a doctor (in training).

Say What?

So today we had clerk teaching in the afternoon and our chief resident got a page (this is not something unusual, pagers go off like an extremely annoying kazoo rehearsal). He answered his page and it was his brother calling to annoy him. He asked what our chief resident was doing and he said "I'm teaching the clerks and they're looking at me like "Why is he getting personal calls at work?" (which we weren't because we had no idea who wason the phone). Then he said "You're asking me if any of them are hot?" and we laughed and he said (really quickly) "Yeah she's married."

I'm the only clerk that's married.

I thought I had heard something wrong so I asked my friends BK and Choy and they both said individually that they had heard the exact same thing.

Sooooo, my chief resident thinks I'm hot. That's right....I've still got it. :)

My Time in BC (mostly in pictures)

After the annoyance that was some of my familial experiences in the valley I had a very pleasant time in BC. One of the best things was how clean the air tasted and smelled. How I long for that now in the suffocation of Hamilton. It was great to spend time with some of my most favourite people too so here's a tour of my trip to BC in pictures:

The Pauls Women

Last night I went to my aunt's cabin on the lake close to where I grew up as a young girl to meet for "appys and drinks" with "the Pauls' women". It was an interesting evening for me as I moved away with my parents and brother from the family farm and all the extended family when I was 8 years old. So although there is some commonality there's quite a bit of diversion that's happened in our life paths over the years.
The cottage was absolutely beautiful, right on the lake although I hear that my aunt and uncle are going to tear it down to build something new (the top floor is bigger than my apartment). We all sat out on the deck, my 3 aunts and my 3 cousins-in-law and my Oma. My Oma and I probaby had the most in common save my one aunt who now thinks that I am exponentially more interesting now that I'm going to be a doctor. My cousins-in-law all married my male cousins who are farmers and have proven fertile many times over except the one who looks like she would have a baby as soon as possible (she only married my cousin in January). All of these women have very different lives and very different relationships than Foreman and I have. Not that that's a bad thing it just is such a foreign environment for me to be in: talking about kids and farming and shopping and church missions. It was nice to reconnect with them and we definitely have a bond as family (that was readily apparent) but I did call my mom this morning and thanked her again for moving us out of Greendale. I think my spirit would have suffered greatly had I been forced into that mould which I quite obviously do not fit.
(Little Samara with her tante's Smirnoff Ice bottle. You get one Irish guy in the family and suddenly...)

The Wack

It's July 3rd which is a holiday for most people and should be a holiday for me (and sort of is because I'm not working) but I'm in the hospital with no women labouring sittng across the library from the resident who should have kindly told me he was taking the day off. Not that I'm bitter (because I most definitely am).
I've been here in Chilliwack where I was born and raised til I was 8 and it's been...interesting to say the least. Staying with my grandparents was really great last week but last night my grandmother went crazy saying that I never spend time with them (even though that's all I did except work). I think she might have clinical depression. Good thing my grandpa is funny.
I had a great weekend with my friends and my sister and her friend Dean. We had a fun Canada Day celebration and I got to spend the majority of the weekend with my Drinking Buddy so that was awesome. Also, Jo rented a car and picked me up from the Wack in Orange Hotness and we had a super fun time catching up.
Spending time with family and friends makes me wonder if I want to live back in Edmonton where I'm surrounded by family and friends. Not because I don't love them all dearly and miss them all terribly but because the expectations are too high about what I'm supposed to do and who I'm supposed to be. It's a bit suffocating. So this trip, even more this weekend, has brought me more questions than answers.

FGM - My First Personal Experience

So today I had a consult done in Emerg - it was a woman from Kenya who had a missed abortion (where the fetus is dead but the mom doesn't expel the product). I did the full history and physical exam, including a raging systolic murmur which is probably ASD. Then I did the pelvic exam and when I tried to open up her labia there was a very small opening to the vagina - very small and she has had 2 children. The speculum I had wasn't going to fit so my very lovely resident went to get a new one. On further inspection of her vulva we realized there were 2 openings and there was a skin bridge in between them formed by adhesions after the female genital mutilation she had received in Kenya. She has no clitoris because it was butchered from her and I'm sure birthing those babies was not a treat with that extra piece of tissue acting as a barricade.
Female genital mutilation http://www.amnesty.org/ailib/intcam/femgen/fgm1.htm is one of the reasons I wanted to go into Obstetrics and Gynecology in the first place. It's still something we see in Canada because of immigration. The fact that a woman can get her clitoris hacked off and her vagina sewn up in 2006 is ridiculous to me. For people who say "feminism is dead" or that "there are no more women's rights issues anymore" obviously need to open their eyes.

Little Pleasures

It's been a while since I've posted. Mostly I've been working in Labour and Delivery so it's been really busy and when I'm at home I'm scrambling to not live in squalour and to get at least the appearance of some studying done. But last night I got an unexpected 7 hours of sleep on call which is absolutely glorious. On some services you can get a good sleep like that but OB/GYN call is at the bottom of the pack when it comes to sleeping on call. So since I got this unexpected gift I thought I'd write a quick post.
I've really enjoyed my OB/GYN rotation and it's still on the top of my list for future careers. I love being there with families in this emotional, "real" moment. And to see women so powerful is incredible. I've really enjoyed it and I really hope I match to OB/GYN in Edmonton come CaRMS time (CaRMS is the national residency matching service that decides our lives).
On Friday we went to see Tech's show in Toronto. He got us comps and we (okay me) felt very important. The show was wonderful (as always I'm absolutely in love with the creativity of RB) and Foreman liked it better than the last show. http://www.canstage.com/2005-2006/season/earth.asp. I always this that the creator of this show is incredible and has inspired the majority of my creative endeavors since I was introduced to his work.
Tech, Foreman and I went out after the show and had a lovely evening talking and drinking and eating appetizers. My friend Rakkel has found a keeper with that one. Good to see that her guy and my guy get along so well...

PaddleFest

Foreman and I headed out last weekend with Italian and Smiley up to Palmer Rapids for some very needed R&R and CANOEING. I have missed paddling desperately and couldn't wait to get out on the water. We rented this boat from this crochety old guy across from Limeridge Mall that said he had a " no whitewater clause" in the rental agreement but after I explained to him that I've guided for 8 years he said we could do what we wanted (thank God!) As he's strapping the boat to the top of our Grand Prix he begins to tell me about how he had to replace the deckplate because that particular boat was the boat the people went over the dam with in Paris, ON. Why would you tell people that? That is not good publicity. So we promptly called it the Paris Death Boat for the entire trip...here it is.

After a 4.5 hour drive we got to this little sleep town of Palmer Rapids that reminded me of Water Valley. That night we had a great time staying up late, drinking and talking. Foreman was so happy that he drank and stayed awake (a rare triumph) and proceeded to try to light Sambuca in his mouth and Italian kept trying to stop him so that he wouldn't light his beard on fire. The next day it was still a little cold and wet so we went up to this cute little diner that Italian and Smiley have gone to for every breakfast on the long weekend since they've been married (which is 10 years). We had a great breakfast and it was still a little chilly so we took a drive to the Sierra Designs factory (like heaven!) and I bought a $130 rainjacket for $30 and Foreman and I both bought fleeces and Foreman got a great orange toque that Italian picked out for him. After our purchases we were all psyched to get out on the water. Even in our Mad River canoe with no knee pads. We had a great time playing at the bottom of Palmer Rapids practicing our ferries and eddy turns. We ran the second set too which was very technical with a lot of holes and fast moving water and Foreman did great. I portaged our canoe back up like I always did and all these Ontario people were so shocked a girl could portage her own 17' boat - that's right, I'm from the prairie!

That night little Narico arrived at our campsite along with his dad and another friend of Italian and Smiley's. They were great fun especially Narico who's 15 months and likes to "cheers" drinks all the time - he was great fun. We had a great night chatting away with old friends of Italian and Smiley's and new friends to us.

The next day we had another great breakfast in town before suiting up for our big day on the Lower Madawaska River. Smiley lent Foreman her wetsuit which was great because otherwise he would have completely frozen to death. We had great runs down all the rapids and it was really fun to paddle with people who are so positive and upbeat and like paddling as much as we do. There was one little "incident" where Italian led us down this really strange line that ended up with Foreman doing the most amazing high brace and me leaning on my low brace until I sank into the water but it was a great campfire story later that day and Italian was hilariously apologetic. All in all, it was a really wonderful weekend with great people and has completely solidified my belief that Foreman and I will continue to camp and paddle until we are old and grey (and still after that).

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Sometimes no matter how well you think you're doing you can get sidelined by insecurity. I went shopping yesterday because I don't have any "grown-up" clothes for school, especially spring clothes. I tried on some clothes at Old Navy which is usually a good store for me and it just wasn't working. Some of the clothes were too big others were too small but for some reason because the clothes didn't immediately fit I was devastated (I'm blaming this on being overly emotional due to hormones but still it's ridiculous).

I have always had a problem with my weight. I've had the typical issues that other girls have with hair and skin, etc. but that I feel is a little more "normal girl stuff" as opposed to my issues with weight that have been more dysfunctional. (aside: I got a new haircut that's making me more self-conscious but I'll get used to it). I'm not overweight, according to the Health Canada weight-for-height scales I'm on the high end of the normal weight ranges. I was a bit heavier when I was younger but still not that big. But for some reason I've always had issues with this. I came home from shoppig devastated and I get really disappointed in myself that it affects me that much. And then my feelins about this seep into how I feel about myself and all of my looks and my self-worth. Hence the mantra "I am a MENSA Supermodel" which was something I used to say to myself to make me feel better. I've gotten over my "body depression" but I'm still not happy with my body and it makes me sad that as feminist as I am it can bother me this much. Life Objective #352: Deal with my body dysmorphic disorder.

Starting OB/GYN

So today was my first day in obstetrics and gynecology and I really think I'm going to like this rotation. It was pretty apparent to the rest of my group too that this is definitely an area I'm passionate about. We talked about a lot of the things that I care about today: recto-vaginal fistulas, female genital mutilation and proper female pelvic exams. However, we had one lecture today that got under my skin. I tried to be as diplomatic as possible to this male gynecologist that had been practicing for 40 years but these things definitely irked me. He said that if a woman hasn't had sex she doesn't need a pelvic exam (and he meant sex with a man). He flat out said that nuns, celibate woman and lesbian women did not need to get pap smears. This upsets me on numerous levels - the major reason being that a woman needs her vagina "opened up" by a penis so that she can get adequate medical care. I know this is because HPV is sexually transmitted and the major cause of cervical cancer but still what if women share sex toys? And what if there's a huge uterine tumour that can be seen on pelvic exam? Or a sexually transmitted infection that can be seen in a pelvic? And when I asked about a lesbian's right to a proper pelvic the man looked at me like he hadn't even contemplated this idea.
The other thing that he said today was that HIV is not a notifiable disease. For those of you that don't know HIV has been a notifiable disease in Canada since 2000. This means doctors have to disclose if they've had a patient with this disease, their age and gender but not their name. This is a very important part of public health and doctors, regardless of number of years of practice, should know this.
So yeah, obstetrics and gynecology might be my path seeing as how I get this passionate about some of the issues in this specialty on the very first day.

Time for a Fresh Start

So I haven't updated on my old Diaryland diary in a while and I realized that I really wanted my own place to branch out and write things about my life here, medical school and married life, new friends and missing old ones. So I think it's a good time for me to do this. Life for me right now is ok. I just finished my pediatrics rotation and I am soooo happy to be done that. I love kids don't get me wrong but pediatrics has much less to do with loving kids and far more to do with dealing with shitty parents and medicating kids that don't need to be medicated. I could rant on and on about this but I won't because I'm done pediatrics and I should move on. This weekend is really nice because I'm in between rotations right now and so there's a little bit of down time. I get to relax and see my friends and do things other than work or study like clean and go to the gym and sleep in. Yay for real weekends when I'm not on call. I'll post more later but I just wanted to start my blog and I need to get the hang of how this thing works. In the meantime here's a picture of my hubby wearing a fantastic shirt that he got from a very dear friend of mine, Genetics. We have a "sisterhood of the traveling shirt" and our shirt says "Not Everything is Flat on the Prairie" and just so my hubby didn't feel left out she got him this shirt for his birthday which is awesome.