Bigotry in Medical School

I've been pretty incapactitated most of the afternoon and evening today because of my visceral reaction to the prejudice expressed through direct and indirect ways in lecture today.
The majority of this toward gay and lesbian populations and how a presenter lecturing on gay and lesbian health issues could be "offensive" to "faith-based" people. We are talking about how someone discussing health issues for a population that could be up to 10% of thier patient population and some people felt that this should not be discussed because they have personal feelings on how homosexuality is wrong. For most of you that know me - you know that I have VERY strong opinions on gay and lesbian issues and so this kind of bigotry arises a fire in me that is so strong that I usually try to choose my words very carefully. Today I had to choose them so carefully that I didn't even speak them. We're talking about a group of people that have approx. 10 years of education each and who still felt that it was "morally right" for them not to want to become educated on specific health concerns of this population. No one could see how awful this was if you paralleled this type of prejudice with prejudice against a particular race or a particular gender. I was absolutely mortified that these are my colleagues that in 2 months will go out into the world (at least the residency world) with these beliefs. Granted these were certainly not the majority of my classmates but it still upset me that this belief was held at all. I was certainly not naive enough to think that all my classmates were "against" homosexuality but now we're talking about medical practice.
This has upset me so much that I have not been able to focus all day, I have felt sick and I feel that I may not be able to go to lectures tomorrow so that I can give myself a break from the outrage and disappointment I felt this morning.

New York! New York!

One of my major goals while living here in Ontario has been to visit New York City. In fact this and seeing a Broadway show were #5 and #6 on my 101 in 1001 days list. This weekend I achieved this dream and it was even better than I thought it was going to be. I think I've decided that I'm going to give up my silly dreams of medicine and quit and go back to my true love of musical theatre. :) Why did I even leave that in the first place??...oh right I wanted to eat. Still basic human needs don't seem as important in the light of how amazing Broadway was. Here's a recount of our trip this weekend. An advanced warning...it's probably going to be long so bear with me.


Foreman and I drove down to Buffalo after he got his rushed passport. We got to the Buffalo Airport in plenty of time and I had spent a lot of time on Friday figuring out the stupid new liquids and gels rules for flying so we could take everything as carry-on and they were WAY less strict than the freakin' Hamilton airport. So, after traveling with Westjet across Canada in the past few weeks for CaRMS interviews I have been hugely spoiled as NONE of my numerous flights lost my luggage or were delayed or canceled. Not so with Delta. The flight to NYC was 2 hours later most of which we spent on a flight that was very small (I could barely stand in the aisle). But it was worth it to see NYC from the airplane - that was incredible.


After we got to JFK we took a cab ($45 from JFK to anywhere in Manhattan) and got to our hotel in Downtown Manhattan.


In the morning we went walking around our new neighborhood and wandered into the World Trade Center. It was so strange to see this big hole in the skyline and it's so strange because you get there and think that this couldn't possibly be where 9/11 happened. It just seems surreal. The city has done this incredible job of enlarging paintings and photographs from during that time and also has every name of people that were lost during that day. It was a very spiritual place to be. I didn't take pictures of those pictures because it seemed too intimate but some of the pictures that really touched me were the following: a police officer in full dress, probably at a memorial, saluting trying to maintain a stiff upper lip with a single tear running down his cheek, children sitting amongst memorial pictures, people of all colours and creeds grieving and the most haunting for me was a picture of the staff at a local hospital - doctors and nurses with stretchers ready to treat the injured and nobody arriving. It was a haunting memorial.
We then walked through surrounding streets - past the American Stock Exchange, Trinity Church and through Battery Park. There are beautiful memorials to people who had been lost in the waters of the Atlantic during battle. There we also saw the Statue of Liberty for the first time. Foreman suggested we take the boat to Liberty Island and Ellis Island which was wonderful. We also got the audio tours so that we could learn about the two islands. I knew that the Statue of Liberty was a gift to America from France but I didn't know Eiffel (of the Eiffel tower) was one of the people that built it. Ellis Island was very interesting especially because my grandparents are refugees and Foreman's parents are Irish immigrants. Here are pictures of that boat trip.






After we got off the boat we had one of Foreman's goals for our trip... we ate NYC hot dogs.

Then we went to the South Street Seaport and hung out there by the boats and basked in the beauty of a sunshiny day in New York City.

That night we had tickets to see The Color Purple. This was one of my favourite books during my adolescence by one of my favourite authors of all time, Alice Walker. I wore my purple dress (of course!) and we took a taxi to BROADWAY!!! We had dinner at the Playwright Restaurant, an Irish establishment where I had a Cosmo in honour of my girls that I wish were with me.

Then my big dream...to see The Color Purple on Broadway!!! (Note: Kristin Chenoweth was playing in the Apple Tree around the corner!) It was playing at the Broadway Theatre and we had seats at Stage Left in the Orchestra section - 10 rows from the stage. They started singing and I started crying pretty much. It was just so beautiful to be there and to hear such incredible singing and to hear this story I had loved growing up being put to music. To try to describe it would do such a grave injustice to the artistry of the performers but it was a spiritual experience and I just kept saying that my heart was full to overflowing. Sheer Joy.

http://colorpurple.com/index.php

Foreman and I had dessert at this local diner down Broadway from the theatre and had another one of his goals...NYC cheesecake (are you seeing a reoccurring theme?) We walked down Broadway and went to Colony Music where I had to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth because they had EVERY piece of sheet music including EVERY Broadway show EVER. I'm not going to lie to you...I was hyperventilating. We went back there the next day just to bask in the glory. We then tried hailing a taxi at 1am on Broadway on a Saturday night which was an adventure but after a long time trying we finally got one and found our way home.

The next morning we took the subway into Midtown (Broadway, Times Square, etc.) and had breakfast at Pigalle (yay Eggs Benedict with Smoked Salmon!) and we walked down W49th and saw theatres for Chicago and Spring Awakening, which I had heard about on TV the week before. I don't know what possessed me but I went in to talk to the people at the Box Office to see how much the tickets were and they had "on-stage" seating for $30 so I asked about this and the guy said that those seats were sold-out until May but as he was telling me this he was looking it up and said "Except today, we have 2...do you want them?" YES PLEASE! So at 1230pm I bought tickets to a Broadway show at 2pm that day for $30 a piece ON STAGE! I was going to actually BE on a BROADWAY stage. Foreman was a little nervous about this because he didn't think he was dressed appropriately so we bought him a $15 shirt at Banana Republic and he felt much better.

In the interim before the show we went to Rockefeller Center. We saw Radio City Music Hall and the NBC studios and saw the skating at the famous skating rink.


At 2pm we went to the Matinee of Spring Awakening. I was so excited I took no pictures of the theatre or anything. We had to put our coats and bags and everything we had in lockers at the side of the stage and then we were seated ON THE STAGE!!! There were about 10-15 of us on the stage and interspersed were empty chairs that the actors used when they were not performing because all of the performers were on stage 90% of the time. What was also interesting was that some of the people that came on stage with us audience members were actually in the show too - they just whipped out mics and sang along (which was crazy amazing). We also got to be right beside the band and have actors all around us as they sang - there were times that there were people singing behind us waiting to go on and one of the actresses stood right beside me on the platform. Foreman loved that as part of the stage there was a blacboard on the back wall and on it were the names of the songs in order like a CD (something you probably couldn't have seen in regular seating. I could talk about this for a long time so I won't bore most people with a play-by-play (except my theatre girls who I'll probably talk to about this later). The show itself was based on a play written in 1891 about adolescence and sexual awakening and the songs were the inner monologues of the characters. The adults were all played by one woman, Christine Estabrook http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0261452/ and one man, Stephen Spinella http://www.hollywood.com/celebrity/Stephen_Spinella/193055

The music was incredible and it was a perfect compliment to the Color Purple because it was its complete opposite: started off-Broadway, younger actors, eclectic, rock/pop music. It was also cool to see the Original Cast so what's on the CD (which of course I bought) is what I heard on stage. Here's the link for the show so you can also bask in the greatness - it's brilliant. http://www.springawakening.com/home.php

After that we were full to the brim with happy Broadway goodness. Foreman loved Spring Awakening and we talked about the technical aspects, the music, dance, the story - I don't think I realized when I married him how much he likes musical theatre too. How awesome is that?

We got back on the subway and this is where things went downhill a bit. We were on the E train to the WTC because that was close to home and we couldn't find an A train. Then there was a mix-up about tracks and we were on a train to Brooklyn and had to get off to try to get back to our hotel. So we got off on 2nd Ave close to the Lower East Side close to Chinatown. Anyway, we emerged out of the subway station into blackness and graffiti as none of the streetlights were on. Foreman took some cash out of an ATM that was on the street so we could take a taxi and luckily we got one quickly as it seemed to be a seedier part of town.

We took another taxi to JFK and it started snowing on our way to the airport but we really didn't think anything of it. We get to JFK and it's completely dead and the Delta agents are looking at us like they can't understand why we're there. The woman then tells us that our flight is canceled and the next available flight is Wednesday at 630am. All of the color drained out of Foreman's face. It was 8pm on Sunday night. No flights were leaving JFK because of the "storm" aka one hour of snow. It hadn't even occurred to us that the flight would be canceled becuase the weather had been gorgeous all day, it was not very cold and it had JUST started snowing. Plus, American flight operators say that weather is "outside of anyone's control" so they don't pay for accomodation. (I miss you Westjet). So we had 3 options: stay in a hotel and come back when there were flights at our own expense, go into Midtown and try to find a bus to Buffalo or rent a car and drive to Buffalo. The last option was my #1 choice. The Delta agent was not very helpful and thought there weren't going to be any cards because they had been canceling a lot of flights that evening (FOR ONE HOUR OF SNOW!) So I called Budget and got a rental car (for $200). Here's how happy we were about our impending night of driving.




I drove through Brooklyn, Manhattan, Bronx, Albany and into Buffalo in a SNOWSTORM through the night because I AM CANADIAN!!! Foreman got about 3 hours of sleep and I got 2 but we survived and got to Hamilton at exactly the right time for him to drive to work. He actually called in sick (because no one can teach on 3 hours sleep) but was worried about the teacher's having lesson plans to teach his kids so we drove into Milton (40 min each way) so he could work on them in the car and give them to his subs (he's such a good guy). We spent most of yesterday sleeping and now Foreman knows what it's like to be on call (and he says he doesn't like it one bit). So, all in all we had a fantastic time in New York and can't wait to go again!!!!

MEME! Pop Culture style

Seven Easy Steps to Complete Pretentiousness—And How To Avoid Them

1. Name a book that you want to share so much that you keep giving away copies: This question reminds me of how Ed used to give people copies of one of Eduardo Galeono's books (I believe it was "Book of Embraces). For me, the book I give away to people is "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho. I'm reading all his stuff now and there are books I like of his even more than that one - but it is a classic.

2. Name a piece of music that changed the way you listen to music: The hymns "In the Rifted Rock" and "Praise God from Whom (606)". These two hymns are the theme songs if you will of the Mennonite faith and as a young child they formed in me how music could symbolize culture and meaning and community. Both were songs at my wedding - the 606 was a congregational hymn and I walked down the aisle to "In the Rifted Rock".

3. Name a film you can watch again and again without fatigue: My new one for this is "Elizabethtown". There's something about it that just makes it a great place to spend time for a while.

4. Name a performer for whom you suspend of all disbelief: Ronnie Burkett also transports me to this wonderful world he creates. He truly inspires me.

5. Name a work of art you'd like to live with: I've always loved Emily Carr's work but also Bill Mason who is somewhat of a mentor to me. His artistry is amazing and so having one of his prints would be incredible. Here's one that I'm particularly fond of.

6. Name a work of fiction which has penetrated your real life: Possessing the Secret of Joy by Alice Walker. This book is about Female Genital Mutilation. I was a teenager when I first read this and I finished it early one Sunday morning sitting in the grass in my backyard. After I finished it I took off all my clothes and ran around in my backyard naked celebrating my complete womanhood. I credit this as the beginning of my journey in becoming an OB/GYN.

7. Name a punch line that always makes you laugh:

[Cobra Commander, Skeletor, Mum-Ra and Lex Luthor are car pooling] Skeletor: Oh, that was a good one.

Lex Luthor: What was a... OH, Dear Lord!

Skeletor: Haha! Behold the gaseous stench of Skeletor's breakfast burrito!

Contemplating Calgary

I've been living with Bus for the last 2 weeks here in Calgary and at first I was just doing this elective to stay in the West before my Western interviews (which are next week?!?) but more and more Calgary is starting to grow on my as a place I think I would like to go for residency. Here are my reasons:

1. Close to home...but not too close.
It's a little bit the best of both worlds here. I'm only 2.5-3 hours away from my family and Foreman's family and our friends but we'd also have our own space too. That's a pretty great deal.

2. Close to the mountains
I didn't realize how close the mountains are here (which is stupid I'm from Alberta). But with my constant canoeing passion and my new-found interest in snowboarding it would be great to be close to the mountains. Plus, there's always horse-back riding in the Foothills which I've always loved.

3. Friends
In addition to my great friends in Edmonton that would be close there are great people here in Calgary that I'd love to spend more time with. I've loved living with Bus and I think that he and Foreman would get along really well and he could have pie dates with PrincessGwyn. Also, I always forget how much I like the Reeds and I got to spend time with them this weekend and the 4 of us have quite a bit in common and that would be really cool to hang out with them more.

4. Calgary Inter-Mennonite Church
This church has always been a part of my life even though I've never been an official member. I went there today and was so warmly welcomed - like I had come home. It was such a supportive, wonderful place to be and I went to potluck and a bunch of us were there til 2pm (church started at 10am). It gave me faith again that church can be laid-back and meaningful and I really appreciated that today.

So...we'll see how the interviews go but Calgary is a definite possibility.

Morris Family Ski Vacation

On our last day of our fantastic Christmas ski vacation I thought I would post some pictures. We had a really great time - I love snowboarding! Moreass was a great teacher as well as Susie-Q green run. The chairlift is still a bit of a struggle though (getting off it I mean) but it's still troublesome for Mark seeing as he fell on my board getting off the chair and earned himself 5 stitches and a trip to the Big White hospital. He even got a snowboard ride as Sue (who's Ski Patrol ) was with us and had to call in the 40 (injury). What's hilarious is that she had been boarding with us in her uniform and I had been joking that I was going to be a 40 all day and then Mark ends up getting stitches. He had the privelage though of pushing me down 400 times on my first day of snowboarding so that I could figure out how to get off my ass by myself (I still can't - I just flip over and get up on my toe edge and turn around). Christmas has been great and I can now turn from heel edge to toe edge and snowboard relatively comfortably down a green run. Sue scored us a tree (I don't know how she did that and I don't think I should ask) and we had a nice Christmas morning together with Jim, a guy that my sister brought home from the bar on Christmas eve - she's classy. Jim was great though and an excellent addition to Christmas morning. All in all this was a great winter vacation and a good way to shake off my year of clerkship.

This is my sister-in-law Sue in her fantastic Ski Patrol gear. She looks like a real professional doesn't she?

This is the view from the living room of our chalet. Life is tough.

Our Charlie Brown Christmas tree. Sue is standing there with her house-mate Frith from New Zealand.

We look like the real deal here. This is after my very first chair lift ride with a snowboard where I boarded right down without falling. The subsequent rides were not as successful.


This is from one of those subsequent rides. Don't worry Mark, scars are sexy.
Here we all are after a night at Snowshoe Sam's. My sister is a regular at this Apres Ski watering hole. This is Mark, Chet (Chris from Chetwynn - he's Sue's other housemate), me and Keith after a night of beer chugging contests, punching bag video games, lighting Sambuca shots on fire and creating sparks with cinnamon and Chet completing my dare and going up to
sing "New Orleans is Sinking" with the live band. He's awesome. What a great vacation.

My First Vacation in a Year - Day One

I am sitting here in my pajamas watching Jon Stewart and having a coffee and trying to remember how to relax. I got up when Foreman got up this morning (7am) and actually was WIDE awake at 5am but forced myself to go back to sleep. I was wired this morning and I had no idea what to do. I have stuff to do today, I have to pack for both me and Foreman, clean the house, go to the gym, go to McMaster and return my pager. But I don't need to have that looming idea in the back of my head that I really should be studying...even though I still have that nagging feeling. I'm glad I'm going skiing with the family this weekend so that hopefully I can unwind a bit because I'm not sure if I remember how.

Suit Crisis

Last night I realized that my suit jacket (which I rarely wear) was an ENTIRELY different colour than my suit pants (which I wear all the time). Needless to say I could not wear those two pieces of clothing together for my interview. So today I had to go shopping in the middle of the Christmas rush to get a suit - something difficult to buy at the best of times.
Thank God for RW & CO. There was a fabulous gay boy that helped me out. He brought me all the right stuff and got me a white shirt to try on underneath my suit. I was wearing a blue and brown zebra-print bra today which you could see under the white shirt. This was not a problem when I was wearing the jacket but when I was switching between them....I don't even notice these things anymore.
Anyway, the RW & Co guy was fabulous and the suit crisis was averted...now I just have to get through my interview tomorrow.

Life post-CaRMS

Finally, life is as it should be. No more looking at my stupid personal letters again. Now it's up to the program directors to see something in my applications and give me a chance. Let's all keep our fingers crossed and hope that happens.
Friday I had my HIV Committee meeting and that was good. I am always amazed at how fancy the OMA building is. I sort of feel like a fraud when I'm there- it's very old-school doctors. And all the other doctors on this committee are also older, male doctors. Especially one after discovering I"m interested in OB/GYN wanted to discuss "therapeutic" abortions and how they are not therapeutic, especially for the fetus, and that the terminology should change to elective and that they should not be performed in hospitals. I informed him that they are usually not performed at hospitals and that I had no power over terminology - it was a pleasant conversation but a little uncomfortabe for me.
Yesterday, Keith and I slept in and then we put up our Christmas decorations and our Christmas tree :). I love putting up the tree. The in the evening we went to my birthday present - Foreman bought AMAZING tickets to WICKED. I could see the orchestra conductor's face and Glinda's cleavage - that's how good they were. We both LOVED it. I love being married to a guy that also loves musical theatre. The singing was incredible especially Shoshana Bean (www.shoshanabean.com) - check her website out she's a phenomenal singer.

Today, Foreman went to play Star Trek CCG (I just called him - he won the tournament - I'm so proud) so I had the day to myself - watching stupid movies on TV and making Christmas cookies. It's been a wonderful day and I'm finally, slowly, getting into the holiday season.

Kathy

There's this patient on the psych ward who I admitted - she's very disorganized and psychotic. She's the patient that thought my preceptor was M from James Bond. Anyway, she continues to be very disorganized in her thinking and her behaviour is bizarre. She had a new name that she'd written on a piece of paper and she wanted to go down to admitting to change it formally in her medical records.
Anyway, today as I was walking by doing inpatient rounds with my preceptor she said "Hi" (and I don't even think she recognizes me from before) and she puts her hand out at the side like she's sneaking it and she hands me a miniature box of Smarties. She had a huge smile on her face. It was a pretty great moment.

Surviving Psychiatry

As most people close to me know I have not been the biggest advocate for appreciation of psychiatry. I know that it is a very important specialty and that psychiatrists help a lot of people but for the most part psychiatry, as a discipline, scares the CRAP out of me. But there have been touching moments in this field just like any other and the patients often warm your heart (unless they have BPD (borderline personality disorder) and then they just annoy you).

Today I went and saw ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) being performed. This is the good ol' shock treatment that people thought was extinct. Well, it's not and it is actually not nearly as barbaric as I thought it was. The patient DR said that it had improved his depression 60% already after 5 treatments and none of the medications had worked nearly as well. A lot of patients who have deep or psychotic depressions benefit greatly from this procedure. In fact, psychiatrists say that if they had a major depressive episode they would want to go straight to ECT. And the actual procedure is done in the recovery room near the OR, the patient is put under general anestethic for about 2 minutes and bagged and masked with an anesthetist present. The actual "shock" lasts 30-60 seconds and is not at all violent, you almost can't tell it's happening. This realization was a pleasant surprise to me.

Yesterday we had a patient TD who was recovering well from his depressive episode in his bipolar disorder and is being discharged today. He wanted me to read the poem he had written for the nurses to gain a "female perspective". I walked to his room and he was in front of me, some guy who I believe was psychotic was behind me and another woman who we certified on Tuesday and who has been violent to staff was passing in the hallway - physically surrounded by mental illness. It was a bit scary but I took a deep breath and all was well.

This woman who was psychotic that I just mentioned is quite hilarious because at 60something she believes that she is 10 weeks pregnant. She also tried to hit my preceptor, a very lovely 5'2'' East Indian man who she believed was "M" from James Bond and was going to lock up her brother. The other inpatients came to my preceptor's aid discussing how this lovely Indian man was nothing like Dame Judi Dench. Psychotic people are funny.

The Sad Tale of "Amanda in Boots"

This past weekend I finally, after 6 years, bought myself a pair of kick-ass knee-high black leather boots. I decided if I still wanted these boots after 6 years I could buy them so I did. I was very VERY excited and I had this very sexy outfit for my date with Foreman on Friday (we went for dinner and saw "Casino Royale"). So I put the boots on for my date and the zipper split. So I called the store and went to the store in Hamilton (I bought them at the store in Burlington) and got a new pair. We had a great date and watched a really great movie. As I zipped up the boots again (I had unzipped the sides at the movie because they're new and need to be broken in) the zipper split again. I took them back the next day and got my money back and haven't found a pair I like nearly as much. . I wait to get myself something nice and disappointment follows. But Foreman got me flowers for my "boot depression" and all is well. Maybe one day I'll find my Prince Charming Size 9 black knee-high leather boots. A girl can dream.

My Impromptu Surprise

It's been a while since I've posted anything and it's not that I haven't had interesting things happen it's that I've been constantly plagued by the incessant beast that is the Canadian Residency Matching Service (CaRMS). But today in preparation for my graduation photos tomorrow (that's right GRAD photos) I had my hair done. It was a last minute decision and I booked an appointment at a hair salon in Mapleview Mall in Burlington with a guy named Lou (the name did not inspire confidence in me for some reason). Then when I finally got there Lou was a very buff straight guy, and I'm not going to lie to you I was even more skeptical. But Lou was my surprise gift today. He was absolutely lovely. He was definitely strong and masculine which were new qualities for me in a hairstylist but he was a refugee from Kosovo who was married here in Canada and has two young kids. We talked about politics, America, the United Nations and the war in Kosovo. We talked about health care and lots of other interesting topics. He was wonderful and a fabulous hair stylist (my hair is amazing). What a wonderful and impromptu gift.

What a Wonderful World

I read a lot in the news about how bad the world is right now and how awful things are and sometimes that can be really discouraging. Especially because, for the most part, I don't believe that it's true. This might be my naivite but from where I stand there's still a whole lot of beauty in the world and I just wanted to put a little bit of what I find beautiful here in this post. This blog would only let me put in a few of the pictures I wanted to so this is only a small taste of the things I find beautiful - there's just so much beauty in the world that I can't fit in into one post.

I love this picture because it reminds me of how much I love the other two people in it. I wanted to give them something that would bring them joy and it was incredible to see how excited everyone else got about it too, it was infectious and wonderful.
This picture isn't about the beauty of my friend Voyageur shirtless (although that's not anything to complain about). It's about the two guys in this picture who I greatly respect and admire and who I'm so honored to call my friends. It's also a picture of how we all share the love of just experiencing nature, canoeing and cinnamon buns.

This picture is from http://www.michaelclancy.com/. I heard about this picture from my family medicine tutor and I think it's beautiful. It's in utero surgery on a child with spina bifida at 21 weeks but I think the beauty is in the sheer majesty of how we try and help one another even when incredible odds are stacked against us.

This is my African mom shortly before she died of AIDS. She always made time for the children of Salima - they were all her children. My dad is so cute in this picture. He's holding my Angel niece Elena and my girlfriends call him "Grandpa Pauls". The beauty in this picture is how friends with no blood relation become your family and they become family to your family - I love that.

This picture just shows sheer unadulterated joy. I love that and I love the girl in this picture.


I hadn't even realized when I started this post that this topic is very fitting considering the season. Happy Thanksgiving everyone - there is so much to be thankful for.

#41 - Coffee with Dr. Teeth

Thank you.

I missed you.

Elora Gorge

This past weekend Foreman and I went to Elora Gorge We had a wonderful time relaxing and hanging out tenting, reading and playing Scrabble. The first night we got there was an "adventure" with a major wrong turn (Funny Foreman how directions to an area code might not get you to the right place) and locking our keys in the car with the lights on (that was my fault - Foreman was very forgiving). But after a rocky start we had a great weekend. Our favourite part was tubing down Elora Gorge - great rapids and as Foreman said "a completely different skill set than canoeing" - we hit all the rocks with the tubes and it was just a fun and wild ride. The nature was magnificent and it was so relaxing to float down the river with Foreman.

Montreal with the Boys

I actually had a weekend off two weekends ago (which is, of course, a feat) and I asked by brother-in-law Moreass and his friend Jochef if they wanted to go to Montreal. Give two party boys a chance to go to Montreal where they've never been before to spend the weekend drinking and partying and oogling naked women at Supersex - what do you think they were going to say?
It was a long drive...you can tell how long it was by my brother's face in this picture.

We finally make it to Montreal and we get to Jochef's friends' apartment really late. Now I don't think that I am a wimp by any stretch of the imagination and I have lived with "boy" boys and have lived up North in houses where I am the ONLY girl...but this was by far the most disgusting apartment I have ever had the misfortue of staying at. The boys were very nice but I'm not saying their apartment needed a "feminine touch" I'm saying it needed toilet paper. They also had 2 air conditioners going full blast that made the mean temperature in the apartment about 10 degrees Celsius... and there were no blankets. I slept in my clothes because there was no way I was changing in there. At one point Foreman kissed me and my reply was "there is absolutely nothing that turns me on about this place". But we survived (left at 830am but survived) and I eventually peed (after we left).

We spent the rest of the day walking around Old Montreal, going to all our favourite places. We bought Foreman new clothes and he looked soooo good all the girls in the changeroom were looking at him every time he came out (I will post another entry specifically about the clothes :). And that night Foreman, Moreass and I went out for dinner at the magnificent restaurant, Nantua. It was a wonderful dinner and it's always fun to go out for dinner with Moreass, especially in Montreal because he's fluent in French. It's always great to spend time with him.

After dinner Moreass went back to his evening of debauchery and Foreman and I went to the Hilton, which as you can imagine was significantly better than our previous evening. By Sunday, the boys had partied themselves out and were glad to come back home to Hamilton. So far Montreal is the first city I know that can wear my brother-in-law out. Vivre le Quebec!

My Visit with the Wiebel's

So this is 2 weeks ago now but I wanted to write a bit about my visit with the Wiebel's. They came in on the Greyhound on Friday - banjo in hand. Immediately when I saw them this dormant part of my spirit awoke. There's something about my friendship with Mr. Marmalade that is like no other relationship in my life. Our friendship is probably the relationship in my life that reminds me most of my relationship with God. I always experience God when I'm with him. He is such an incredible person - his creativity in unending and his capacity to be such an unassuming, beautiful spirit is inspiring to me. It took me a bit to warm to his wife (not because she's not lovely but because I'm protective of him) but once I did (this is a long time ago now) I find my friendship with her to also be very life-giving, a feminist like me, we have very similar views on a lot of things. On Friday we hung out around my kitchen table - eating a smattering of different things for dinner and then went out for beers at The Winking Judge. I'd never been there before and they have all these micr0brewery beers (mine was Raspberry beer!) and we just talked all night long about really important things in our lives. And we just slipped into that without any hesitation in small talk. On Saturday we had a nice leisurely breakfast and they went off to their conference and I went to the gym and did some things at home. That night I showed them our wedding album and talked them through it cause they wanted to "experience being there". Mr. Marmalade gave me his new CD from his group "The Whizbang Shufflers" (www.folkjam.com) and his video project he's doing with his brother - Secondhand Pants (www.secondhandpants.com). His commitment to his creativity is infectious. It was so amazing to spend time with them and be reminded of all the other parts of my life that I love - including my friendship with the Wiebels.

My First Death

So I knew it was going to happen. And it was really unfortunate that it was the only day I wasn't near the hospital in 6 weeks. But that's the way it went. A very lovely man - very similar to my father-in-law passed away of deterioration of his pulmonary fibrosis. Here's the obituary...

COLES, Leonard Frederick - It is with profound sadness we announce the passing of a great man, after a brief illness, at St. Joseph's Hospital on Saturday, August 12, 2006 at the age of 68. Beloved and devoted husband of Bev (nee McKinnon) for over 42 years. Loved father of Fred (Debbie), Darrin (Dianne) and Mel (Garry). Papa of Devon and Dalton. Brother of Lillian Stickland (late Dick), Marg Czeto (late Frank), Harold (Dawn), Freda Healy (late Brent). Will be sadly missed by many in-laws, nieces, nephews, Clifford and Bomber. Retired employee of Standard/Gillies Guy/Ultramar with 40 years of service. Foster parent with the Children's Aid Society for over 40 years and a volunteer at the Sackville Hill Seniors Centre. The family would like to thank all of their friends and family and all of the nurses (Amanda), doctors (Amanda) and CCU at St. Joseph's Hospital for all their loving care. At Leonard's request, cremation has taken place. Family will receive friends at CRESMOUNT FUNERAL HOME, 322 Fennell Avenue East on Wednesday from 2-4 and 7-9 p.m. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Firestone Clinic (St. Joseph's Hospital) or the McMaster Children's Hospital.

I went to the funeral home just so I could have closure because after you spend weeks caring for someone and it's suddenly over it's probably one of the strangest feelings I've experienced. I only went for 15 minutes and when I walked in the family started crying and the daughter-in-law hugged me and said that Mr. C loved me so much and that it meant so much to them that I came and how I cared for him. And Mrs. C hugged me too and kept telling people how I was "Dr. Amanda" and how his oxygen saturations always went up went I walked in the room. It was weird because even though I know that there was nothing more I could have done for him since I was his "Doctor" I felt like I should have been able to make it better. And I couldn't. And I know that's how it works sometimes but doctors are REALLY bad at accepting death and acknowledging grief. I've been thinking about Patch Adams lately and how I appreciated how he did that (at least in the movie about his life) and I always want to remember that death is a part of life and to acknowledge that and walk through that with people is sacred and beautiful in its own rite.

101 in 1001

So a lot of my friends have done this and I like the idea and now that I have a fancy blog I actually post to here’s my shot. In 1001 days it’ll be April 26, 2009 and I’ll be 29. Wow. So here it goes.

1. Finish medical school.
2. Complete my CaRMs application.
3. Have a residency position in Ob/Gyn
4. Be happily married for over 4 years (which it will be by the end of 1001 days)
5. Visit New York.
6. See a Broadway musical. - saw 2!!! The Color Purple and Spring Awakening - where I got to be on stage!!!
7. CUBA 2007!!!!
8. Have a crazy fun time at the Italy/Greece wedding (May 2007)
9. Get to 150 lbs and maintain a decent muscle mass.
10. Re-learn enough French to carry on a somewhat decent conversation.
11. Visit Montreal again with Foreman.
12. Finish (truthfully re-finish) Methos and Canoegirl’s slideshow (again).
13. Buy my very own car. I'm crossing this off because we have a new car and I no longer want to have a 2nd car so I think that counts.
14. Learn some conversational Spanish before going to Cuba. - enough to be cute :P
15. Learn the violin.
16. Buy a mortgage on a little place that Foreman and I can call our own.
17. See my brother’s new apartment.
18. Finish “Taking Flight”.
19. Buy Foreman a BBQ.
20. Finish my PGY-1 year.
21. Paddle the Ottawa River.
22. Buy a canoe (maybe as a graduation present to myself).
23. Paddle the Fond du Lac river.
24. Get a new CD player (we have NONE that work)
25. Pass my LMCC exams.
26. Visit the East Coast of Canada.
27. Start swing dancing lessons with my brother.
28. Take my sister canoeing.
29. See my new nephew Ben.
30. Have my sister teach me snowboarding.
31. Go climbing with Gora.
32. Go to Ireland again.
33. Do some type of regular exercise with Foreman.
34. Start boxing again.
35. See India.Arie in concert.
36. Go see a public screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show.
37. Organize my finances.
38. Get my Alberta health care sorted out.
39. Do a duet with Foreman in public.
40. Get a new Canadian passport.
41. Have coffee with Dr. Teeth.
42. Get Christmas pictures taken with Foreman. - we got family pictures taken which I think counts.
43. Get an Irish passport.
44. Take a road trip with Karen Brown (preferably in a T-bird convertible)
45. Get abdominal definition.
46. Tile my bathroom floor. - got a new bathroom floor in a new bathroom that doesn't need to be retiled :)
47. Read 10 articles on HIV vaccine research.
48. Make my Osprey Wings T-shirt fit me (get it altered)
49. Fix the strap on my red dress.
50. Read “The Odyssey”.
51. Have a baby or figure out when we’ll have one within the 2009/2010 year.
52. Act in another play.
53. Play Dance Dance Revolution.
54. Confidently wear a bikini in Cuba.
55. Paddle the Bowron lake circuit in BC
56. Become a member of Greenpeace.
57. Start a compost. - house came with a compost.
58. Buy a pair of killer shoes.
59. Have dinner with Ed. - I got as close as I could to achieving this one...
60. Plant a garden. - my house has a garden :)
61. Get a decent-sized houseplant.
62. Don’t kill it.
63. Add two new software programs to my Pocket PC.
64. Decrease my massive amount of excess paper storage. - I'm still working on it but I've done A LOT - enough to cross this off the list.
65. Take my old clothes to Goodwill.
66. Get a picture with all of the Pauls’ extended family for Oma. (maybe with some computer assistance).
67. Spend a couple of days relaxing in the middle of nowhere at Christmastime.
68. Have a play-date with my nieces.
69. Take some of the pictures I’ve always wanted to take.
70. Get a puppy. - my friend in Winnipeg is getting a Golden Retriever and that's as close as Foreman says I'm getting to owning my own puppy so I get partial custody - yay.
71. Swim with the dolphins.
72. Create my own itunes Celebrity Playlist of my favourite songs
73. Go to the Toronto Science museum.
74. Go to Disneyworld with Tim and Carlin.
75. Visit NASA and watch Foreman drool.
76. See a Cirque du Soleil show. - I saw the Shanghai Chinese Acrobat show which totally and completely counts as a viable alternative and I saw Ka in Las Vegas which is an actual Cirque du Soleil show.
77. Update my wardrobe to be more “grown-up”.
78. Play a giant game of Civilization with the Morris brothers.
79. Have both sets of parents over for Thanksgiving dinner.
80. Go on a sailboat. - I think a catamaran counts and I certainly rocked that boat.
81. Tell Ronnie Burkett how much he inspires me.
82. Survive my Psychiatry rotation.
83. Start to pay off my line of credit.
84. Get couple massages with Foreman. - we went to the Temple Gardens Mineral Spa and I had a facial and Foreman had Reflexology and I think that counts enough.
85. Fix my lamps.
86. Sing at graduation. - amazing!
87. Update my blog on at least a weekly basis.
88. Have coffee with Louis and see how he’s doing. - we talked on the phone and I drank coffee and that's as close as I'll probably come for a while - it was soooo good to catch up with him.
89. See PrincessGwyn before she moves to Calgary.
90. Learn at least 10 more words in Cree.
91. Get my legs waxed.
92. Organize my pictures that aren’t in albums.
93. Get a pedicure with my mom.
94. Read all of Paulo Coelho’s books that I haven’t read yet.
95. Hike Mount Robson.
96. Complete my china set.
97. Have a games night at our house.
98. Take Foreman to the African Lion Safari.
99. Buy Foreman a new suit. - we realized if we bought him a new shirt and tie he really didn't need a new suit. Yay for new ties.
100.Have a fancy date night at a jazz club in a sexy dress.
101.Have dates with myself at least once a month.

Small Victories

So on Thursday all my patients seemed to be cranky and depressed and although I know that has less to do with me and more to do with the fact that they have to live in the hospital (which is of course no picnic) I still felt down about it.
Then yesterday there were lots of small victories that perked me right up for the weekend.
Mr. KN was sitting up in his bed without his oxygen he's been on for the last week and he looked great. And when I checked his oxygen saturations they were over 90% and when I showed him he gave me this great toothless grin.
Mr. LC's family was at the hospital and wanted to have a family meeting about his condition. I had printed off some information about his new condition and talked about the 3 main medical issues still outstanding while in hospital. He has a host of outpatient specialists (actually my current staff is one of them) and his family said they want me to be his long-term doctor. They also call me Dr. Amanda which is adorable.
Mr. DC finally got out of the ICU which is a victory in and of itself. I had seen him in Emerg almost 2 weeks ago and admitted him to hospital. He's this big biker guy that's been confined to his bed due to very bad arthritis. Later that night his breathing got so bad he had to be intubated and transfered to the ICU where things were very tenuous for a long time. Now he's out in the CCU and he doesn't even need oxygen (he's on BiPAP at night which he loves (people hate BiPAP) - he wants to market "Marijuana BiPAP") (*BiPAP helps people breathe by adding positive pressure when people inspire as opposed to CPAP where the positive pressure is continuous.*) Anyway, I saw him today (that's how he told me about the marijuana BiPAP) and I said "Hey do you remember me? It took you a while to get back to me." and he said "Look what I went through just to get to you darling." I love people that can put such a positive spin on tough experiences.

Yesterday was a good day to be a doctor (in training).